Post 567 - Is the power of multitasking a myth? Is multitasking a short cut to poor performance and disappointing results? It seems likely.
In an article by Joeann Fossland, “Multitasking: Smart or Dumb?” published
on line in realtytimes.com, a few revealing studies are presented that
clearly indicate multitasking could be the way to serious problems. For
example, in a study by Carnegie Mellon University subjects were asked to
listen to sentences while comparing two rotating objects. This research
found the resources available for the brain to pay attention visually
dropped 29 percent and the listening brain activation dropped by 53 percent.
Another study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology revealed that the
more complicated the tasks, the more time was lost.
Fossland reports that according to David Meyer, a psychology professor
(University of Michigan), “Intense multitasking can induce a stress
response, an adrenaline rush that when prolonged can damage cells that form
new memory.”
In a nutshell, Fossland concludes, “multitasking is actually inefficient and
will, in the end” waste time, adversely impact quality of results, and
undermine employee well being.
One can argue that multitasking is an unavoidable consequence of the
heightened level of competition. But this raises the question of whether or
not forcing employees to engage in multitasking is the right approach to
meeting competition.
Additionally, we should recognize that there is an enormous range of degrees
of multitasking. And that you need to look at what is meant by multitasking
in a given situation. Context is critical. That said, multitasking still
should not be assumed to be working in the best interests of the
organization. Research and experience suggest it may very well be an
appealing road to follow to unexpectedly costly outcomes.
Those who have some say in organization planning, staffing or work
design, should take stock of the research findings. It seems that as
organizations try to streamline and become ever leaner, they are walking out
further and further on thin ice.
For much of the work in organizations, research evidence, hands-on
experience and common sense shows that focusing on one thing at a time
remains the way to get the most out of people, as well as giving them the best
opportunity to enjoy their work and to give their all.
Showing posts with label Communication. Life skills.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Communication. Life skills.. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
How men and women differ.
Post 516 - Some of the fundamental differences between men and women are biological. For example, their brains are not only different, but the way they use them differs as well. Women have more connections and more frequent interaction between their brain's left and right hemispheres. As a result, they have better verbal skills and stronger intuition. Men, on the other hand, have greater brain hemisphere separation, which explains their skills for abstract reasoning and visual-spatial intelligence.
Men and women also have different habits which were shaped over the centuries by the process of evolution. Although life conditions have changed, both men and women tend to follow their biological programming.
For example, as they evolved, men’s brains were programmed for hunting, which explains their narrow range of vision, while women’s brains were built to decipher a wider range of information. Men developed a keen sense of direction which they used when they tracked game, killed it, and then found their way home. Women developed better peripheral vision which helped them see what was happening around the home, spot approaching danger, and notice changes in their children’s behavior and appearance. Did you know that women blink nearly twice as much as men?
When entering a room, men look first for threats and then exits, checking out the possible ways to escape. Women pay more attention to the guests’ faces to find out who they are and how they feel. Men are good at processing information, archiving it for future use. Women typically ‘rewind’ information over and over again. They find the best way to stop thinking about a problem is to talk it out. When a woman shares her problems with a man, she’s usually not looking for solutions; rather, she just needs someone to listen to her. Men are better at solving technical problems. However, women have a sharper ear. They use more words while talking, and are better at completing tasks independently.
Based on these biological differences, here are some psychological distinctions between men and women:
- Men tend think globally and grasp situations as a whole, while women think locally, and rely more on details and nuances.
- Men tend to be independent in their thoughts and actions, while women are more willing to follow ideas suggested by others.
- Women criticize themselves, while men are happier with their own performance.
- Men find satisfaction in career progression and prosperity, while women place a higher value on family and children.
- Men have a strong need to fulfill their goals, whereas women rank relationships with others first.
- Women tend to be more concerned about their health. Men get sick twice as often as women.
- Women endure pain and monotonous work better than men.
And finally, here's an old saying I remember about these differences: "Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.”
Men and women also have different habits which were shaped over the centuries by the process of evolution. Although life conditions have changed, both men and women tend to follow their biological programming.
For example, as they evolved, men’s brains were programmed for hunting, which explains their narrow range of vision, while women’s brains were built to decipher a wider range of information. Men developed a keen sense of direction which they used when they tracked game, killed it, and then found their way home. Women developed better peripheral vision which helped them see what was happening around the home, spot approaching danger, and notice changes in their children’s behavior and appearance. Did you know that women blink nearly twice as much as men?
When entering a room, men look first for threats and then exits, checking out the possible ways to escape. Women pay more attention to the guests’ faces to find out who they are and how they feel. Men are good at processing information, archiving it for future use. Women typically ‘rewind’ information over and over again. They find the best way to stop thinking about a problem is to talk it out. When a woman shares her problems with a man, she’s usually not looking for solutions; rather, she just needs someone to listen to her. Men are better at solving technical problems. However, women have a sharper ear. They use more words while talking, and are better at completing tasks independently.
Based on these biological differences, here are some psychological distinctions between men and women:
- Men tend think globally and grasp situations as a whole, while women think locally, and rely more on details and nuances.
- Men tend to be independent in their thoughts and actions, while women are more willing to follow ideas suggested by others.
- Women criticize themselves, while men are happier with their own performance.
- Men find satisfaction in career progression and prosperity, while women place a higher value on family and children.
- Men have a strong need to fulfill their goals, whereas women rank relationships with others first.
- Women tend to be more concerned about their health. Men get sick twice as often as women.
- Women endure pain and monotonous work better than men.
And finally, here's an old saying I remember about these differences: "Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.”
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Finding common ground in new relationships.
Post 515 - I’ve been watching episodes of an old British TV series, Coupling, recently. Produced for the BBC from 2000 to 2004, the shows center on the dating and sexual adventures and mishaps of six friends in their thirties, often depicting the three women and the three men each talking among themselves about the same events, but in entirely different terms. The show was based on the author’s experiences meeting his wife, and on the issues that arise in new relationships.
There are so many jokes about the lack of understanding between men and women that I think it makes sense for couples in new relationships to take them seriously and try to find a way to reconcile their differences early on. Sometimes this means learning to compromise; however, most of the time, it just requires lots of work and mutual understanding by both parties in the relationship.
In addition, when couples first get together, they tend to be attracted by their similarities. As they get to know one another better, their differences start to come into focus. Younger couples are attracted to each other’s complementary differences - sometimes, the more different, the better. The logistics of sharing a larger list of coping skills against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune can seem wise for survival. However, relationships later in life tend to develop between people with greater similarities.
Some people won’t get involved in a serious relationships even with someone they like very much if they don’t have a shared background. They have a deep connection to their culture and its rituals, and they want someone who’ll be able to keep these traditions alive with them. Here, cultural continuity is what’s important. However, when people feel they have a cultural match, many things are taken as a given and people don't feel the need to discuss them. It’s easy to imagine that there’s more compatibility with someone than there actually is just because they both feel they already know each other.
Similarly, using the same language isn’t always speaking the same language. It's quite a common assumption that just because both parties speak the same language, there are no serious cultural differences. Even if they share the same values, there are many assumptions about how values are communicated that are quite different among those who come from different cultures or different backgrounds.
In my experience, the big things, like religion for example, are usually easy enough to deal with because they're more visible and so people tend to talk them through early on. It's the small things, like sarcasm, which go unnoticed at first, or are too small to really "discuss," that can add up over time to cause big problems later on.
There are so many jokes about the lack of understanding between men and women that I think it makes sense for couples in new relationships to take them seriously and try to find a way to reconcile their differences early on. Sometimes this means learning to compromise; however, most of the time, it just requires lots of work and mutual understanding by both parties in the relationship.
In addition, when couples first get together, they tend to be attracted by their similarities. As they get to know one another better, their differences start to come into focus. Younger couples are attracted to each other’s complementary differences - sometimes, the more different, the better. The logistics of sharing a larger list of coping skills against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune can seem wise for survival. However, relationships later in life tend to develop between people with greater similarities.
Some people won’t get involved in a serious relationships even with someone they like very much if they don’t have a shared background. They have a deep connection to their culture and its rituals, and they want someone who’ll be able to keep these traditions alive with them. Here, cultural continuity is what’s important. However, when people feel they have a cultural match, many things are taken as a given and people don't feel the need to discuss them. It’s easy to imagine that there’s more compatibility with someone than there actually is just because they both feel they already know each other.
Similarly, using the same language isn’t always speaking the same language. It's quite a common assumption that just because both parties speak the same language, there are no serious cultural differences. Even if they share the same values, there are many assumptions about how values are communicated that are quite different among those who come from different cultures or different backgrounds.
In my experience, the big things, like religion for example, are usually easy enough to deal with because they're more visible and so people tend to talk them through early on. It's the small things, like sarcasm, which go unnoticed at first, or are too small to really "discuss," that can add up over time to cause big problems later on.
Monday, May 3, 2010
How to work a room.
Post 479 - “Networking is not about throwing mud at a fence. Determine what you really want to achieve and who the most important people or types of people are to achieving that, then both go to where they are and invite them to where you are. Again, remember that purposeful does not mean fake. It just means purposeful - like dating - which is very often very systematic and strategic but not fake.” according to Keith Ferrazzi in Who’s Got Your Back.
Some people are natural-born schmoozers. For others, being in a room full of strangers is a frightening experience. However, if you have a plan, working a room can be fun and easy, even if you're a confirmed introvert. Here are some ideas to help you network like a professional:
- Adopt a positive attitude.
Focus on the benefits of the event (e.g. to increase your income).
- Plan and practice your self-introduction.
This has two purposes - to tell people who you are and to leave them with a good impression. So speak clearly. Look people in the eye. Be warm, sincere and friendly. Use humor where appropriate.
- Prepare your small talk.
Small talk should amuse, intrigue, delight and pass the time pleasantly. It aims to make people feel comfortable, not to impress them. Rehearse two or three questions that will draw out other people and get them talking.
- Practice your handshake.
Business handshakes are firm, brisk and brief. Make eye contact and smile. Looking away gives the impression that you're trying to find someone more important.
- Put other people's comfort before your own.
When you care more about the other person's comfort, clumsiness and self-consciousness tend to disappear.
- Rehearse your opening lines.
When in doubt, smile and say hello. Make a positive statement or observation about what's happening in the room. Ask a simple question. Make a positive, but not overly personal self-revelation.
- Cut into ongoing conversations.
Don't interrupt two people if they're having an intense conversation. Approach groups of three or more and give facial feedback to comments being made. When you feel yourself included, either by eye contact or verbal acknowledgment, join in the conversation.
- Move on gracefully.
Don't leave when the other person is talking. Wait until you've finished a comment and then say, "I enjoyed talking with you. Now, please excuse me. I see someone else I want to talk with."
When speaking with someone about what they do for a living, close your conversation by asking, "John, how will I know if someone I'm talking to is a good referral for you?" Doing this leaves a lasting impression since you'll likely be the only one in the room who asked that, and it also gets that person thinking about how you really can be helpful to them. “Networking is simply the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give and take, win-win relationships. It works best, however, when emphasizing the ‘give’ part,” according to Bob Burg in Endless Referrals.
Here are some common mistakes that people make:
- They go to the wrong events.
If they're going to the wrong events, they're probably not meeting the right people or making good connections with the people they meet.
- They leave as soon as the event is officially over - for instance, right after the last round of applause for the speaker. Most people are more relaxed and easier to talk to "after" an event than they are during the official networking time at the beginning.
- They've set goals for how many business cards they want to hand out and collect - this is a common recommendation from the networking gurus. But a focus on the numbers can blind them to opportunities - including the opportunity to have fun.
Neil Senturia offers the following good advice:
- Think that the people you're going to meet at the event are all your friends. That has helped me open up more.
- Don’t think you have to “work the room,” or meet many people. Be with the person you're talking to at the time. The thought has helped control some urges for meeting more people and leaving the one I'm talking to, and allowed for more in-depth conversations.
- Stay a bit afterwards, and talk with the people you found interesting. Leave a “hook” to make sure you stay in contact after the event.
Some people are natural-born schmoozers. For others, being in a room full of strangers is a frightening experience. However, if you have a plan, working a room can be fun and easy, even if you're a confirmed introvert. Here are some ideas to help you network like a professional:
- Adopt a positive attitude.
Focus on the benefits of the event (e.g. to increase your income).
- Plan and practice your self-introduction.
This has two purposes - to tell people who you are and to leave them with a good impression. So speak clearly. Look people in the eye. Be warm, sincere and friendly. Use humor where appropriate.
- Prepare your small talk.
Small talk should amuse, intrigue, delight and pass the time pleasantly. It aims to make people feel comfortable, not to impress them. Rehearse two or three questions that will draw out other people and get them talking.
- Practice your handshake.
Business handshakes are firm, brisk and brief. Make eye contact and smile. Looking away gives the impression that you're trying to find someone more important.
- Put other people's comfort before your own.
When you care more about the other person's comfort, clumsiness and self-consciousness tend to disappear.
- Rehearse your opening lines.
When in doubt, smile and say hello. Make a positive statement or observation about what's happening in the room. Ask a simple question. Make a positive, but not overly personal self-revelation.
- Cut into ongoing conversations.
Don't interrupt two people if they're having an intense conversation. Approach groups of three or more and give facial feedback to comments being made. When you feel yourself included, either by eye contact or verbal acknowledgment, join in the conversation.
- Move on gracefully.
Don't leave when the other person is talking. Wait until you've finished a comment and then say, "I enjoyed talking with you. Now, please excuse me. I see someone else I want to talk with."
When speaking with someone about what they do for a living, close your conversation by asking, "John, how will I know if someone I'm talking to is a good referral for you?" Doing this leaves a lasting impression since you'll likely be the only one in the room who asked that, and it also gets that person thinking about how you really can be helpful to them. “Networking is simply the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give and take, win-win relationships. It works best, however, when emphasizing the ‘give’ part,” according to Bob Burg in Endless Referrals.
Here are some common mistakes that people make:
- They go to the wrong events.
If they're going to the wrong events, they're probably not meeting the right people or making good connections with the people they meet.
- They leave as soon as the event is officially over - for instance, right after the last round of applause for the speaker. Most people are more relaxed and easier to talk to "after" an event than they are during the official networking time at the beginning.
- They've set goals for how many business cards they want to hand out and collect - this is a common recommendation from the networking gurus. But a focus on the numbers can blind them to opportunities - including the opportunity to have fun.
Neil Senturia offers the following good advice:
- Think that the people you're going to meet at the event are all your friends. That has helped me open up more.
- Don’t think you have to “work the room,” or meet many people. Be with the person you're talking to at the time. The thought has helped control some urges for meeting more people and leaving the one I'm talking to, and allowed for more in-depth conversations.
- Stay a bit afterwards, and talk with the people you found interesting. Leave a “hook” to make sure you stay in contact after the event.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
How to ask good questions.
Post 461 - The average 5-year old asks 200 questions a day. The average 20-year old asks 20-30 questions a day. So, most people learn to stop asking questions as they get older. When I first started coaching CEOs and business owners, I quickly learned the value of asking questions instead of providing answers. A good coach knows how to elicit a client’s best thinking and to have the client say what they haven’t said, dream what they haven’t dreamed, think what they haven’t thought about. You do this by asking many more questions than you give answers.
As Don Miguel Ruiz advises in The Four Agreements, “Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain. It is not important if the answer is correct; just the answer itself makes us feel safe. This is why we make assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.”
If you want to help someone come to terms with their problems or opportunities, remember that most people aren't going to reveal what the real issue is after the first question. The real issue is usually two or three questions deep. Finding the right questions is crucial to finding the right answers.
in this kind of situation, here are ten smart questions:
- What has to be done?
- Can you explain the process?
- How do you feel about it?
- Can you explain that further?
- What are some of the reasons this didn’t work as well as you hoped?
- What are we pretending we don’t know?
- What could you do to improve the situation?
- What can you change to make this work better?
- What key results are you looking for?
- What can I do to help you?
According to Michael J. Marquardt in Leading with Questions: How Leaders Find the Right Solutions by Knowing What to Ask, the most effective and empowering questions create value in one or more of the following ways:
- They create clarity: "Can you explain more about this situation?"
- They build better working relationships: Instead of "Did you make your sales goal?" ask, "How have sales been going?"
- They help people think analytically and critically: "What are the consequences of going this route?"
- They inspire people to reflect and see things in fresh, unpredictable ways: "Why did this work?"
- They encourage breakthrough thinking: "Can that be done in any other way?"
- They challenge assumptions: "What do you think you’ll lose if you start sharing responsibility for the implementation process?"
- They create ownership of solutions: "Based on your experience, what do you suggest we do here?"
There's great value in asking proactive questions. Executives appreciate it when you act as a thought partner and demonstrate your concern for the business and its results. And they value questions that get the answers without undue prying or intimidation.
Try these tips for asking better questions:
- Keep them open-ended. Ask provocative questions that encourage others to think for themselves. Start questions with "why" or "how."
- Don't lead. Avoid asking questions you already know the answer to.
- Encourage solutions. "What do you suggest we do to get the best results?" is a great question because it elicits ownership.
- Help clients to create a questioning culture by encouraging others to ask critical questions as well.
As Don Miguel Ruiz advises in The Four Agreements, “Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain. It is not important if the answer is correct; just the answer itself makes us feel safe. This is why we make assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.”
If you want to help someone come to terms with their problems or opportunities, remember that most people aren't going to reveal what the real issue is after the first question. The real issue is usually two or three questions deep. Finding the right questions is crucial to finding the right answers.
in this kind of situation, here are ten smart questions:
- What has to be done?
- Can you explain the process?
- How do you feel about it?
- Can you explain that further?
- What are some of the reasons this didn’t work as well as you hoped?
- What are we pretending we don’t know?
- What could you do to improve the situation?
- What can you change to make this work better?
- What key results are you looking for?
- What can I do to help you?
According to Michael J. Marquardt in Leading with Questions: How Leaders Find the Right Solutions by Knowing What to Ask, the most effective and empowering questions create value in one or more of the following ways:
- They create clarity: "Can you explain more about this situation?"
- They build better working relationships: Instead of "Did you make your sales goal?" ask, "How have sales been going?"
- They help people think analytically and critically: "What are the consequences of going this route?"
- They inspire people to reflect and see things in fresh, unpredictable ways: "Why did this work?"
- They encourage breakthrough thinking: "Can that be done in any other way?"
- They challenge assumptions: "What do you think you’ll lose if you start sharing responsibility for the implementation process?"
- They create ownership of solutions: "Based on your experience, what do you suggest we do here?"
There's great value in asking proactive questions. Executives appreciate it when you act as a thought partner and demonstrate your concern for the business and its results. And they value questions that get the answers without undue prying or intimidation.
Try these tips for asking better questions:
- Keep them open-ended. Ask provocative questions that encourage others to think for themselves. Start questions with "why" or "how."
- Don't lead. Avoid asking questions you already know the answer to.
- Encourage solutions. "What do you suggest we do to get the best results?" is a great question because it elicits ownership.
- Help clients to create a questioning culture by encouraging others to ask critical questions as well.
Monday, March 29, 2010
How to protect your time.
Post 454 - In a study conducted by Microsoft Corporation, researchers taped 29-hours of people working and found that, on average, they were interrupted four times each hour. That's probably not very surprising. But this part is surprising: 40% of the time they didn't resume the task they were working on before they were disrupted. And the more complex the task, the less likely the person was to return to it. That means we're most often derailed from completing our most important work. The greatest single killer of our time is other people stealing it.
David Cottrell of Cornerstone Leadership shares the following tips to help you guard your space and keep your work day flowing without interruptions:
- When someone drops by your open door unannounced, take command of the visit by standing up, walking towards the door and meeting the visitor as he enters. Thus, with everyone standing near the door, the visitor is unlikely to settle in for a long conversation.
- Don't go along with small talk. Immediately ask the visitor, "What can I do for you?" This gets him straight to the reason for the visit - and if there isn't one, then move him right along with a minimum of chit-chat.
- If the visitor rambles on, take command in a respectful way. Signal the end of the conversation by saying, "One more thing before you go...." Then make your point and thank him for stopping by.
- If all else fails, move away from your office as if you're going to a meeting or to the restroom. Smile and say, "Let's talk about this later. Give me a call and we'll set up an appointment." Then wave and walk on.
- Remember "Hey, got a minute?" is a question, not a demand. Reply by saying, "Sure. I'll come to your office at noon and we can talk then." If you can get into the habit of scheduling appointments in other people's offices rather than your own, you'll have greater control over the length of the meeting.
- Consider rearranging your office so it's less likely to invite interruptions. Move your desk so it doesn't face the door. People are less likely to interrupt when they can't see your face.
- Get rid of extra chairs. You can always borrow one if you really need it.
- Limit the number of pictures on your desk. The more pictures, the more distractions for the drop-in visitor to talk about.
- Hide any candy dishes - they're major interruption magnets.
- Keep track of who's interrupting you, why they're interrupting, and when they interrupt. If it's your boss, explain your predicament and see if you can schedule one-to-one sessions (in his office) regularly during the week to deal with many issues at once rather than randomly as they come up.
- Be very aware of your own interrupting style. Use the previous approach in handling interruptions with your staff as well.
- Develop a one-page check-list and put it as a visual aid on everyone’s desk. In it, estimate the cost of unjustified interruptions. Suggest that before people interrupt, they ask questions such as:
– crucial or not crucial?
– nice to know or need to know?
– is now the right time?
Successful people manage to stay on task, whatever the distractions. Rod Serling, (The Twilight Zone), once observed, “It's difficult to produce a television documentary that's both incisive and probing when every twelve-minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.”
David Cottrell of Cornerstone Leadership shares the following tips to help you guard your space and keep your work day flowing without interruptions:
- When someone drops by your open door unannounced, take command of the visit by standing up, walking towards the door and meeting the visitor as he enters. Thus, with everyone standing near the door, the visitor is unlikely to settle in for a long conversation.
- Don't go along with small talk. Immediately ask the visitor, "What can I do for you?" This gets him straight to the reason for the visit - and if there isn't one, then move him right along with a minimum of chit-chat.
- If the visitor rambles on, take command in a respectful way. Signal the end of the conversation by saying, "One more thing before you go...." Then make your point and thank him for stopping by.
- If all else fails, move away from your office as if you're going to a meeting or to the restroom. Smile and say, "Let's talk about this later. Give me a call and we'll set up an appointment." Then wave and walk on.
- Remember "Hey, got a minute?" is a question, not a demand. Reply by saying, "Sure. I'll come to your office at noon and we can talk then." If you can get into the habit of scheduling appointments in other people's offices rather than your own, you'll have greater control over the length of the meeting.
- Consider rearranging your office so it's less likely to invite interruptions. Move your desk so it doesn't face the door. People are less likely to interrupt when they can't see your face.
- Get rid of extra chairs. You can always borrow one if you really need it.
- Limit the number of pictures on your desk. The more pictures, the more distractions for the drop-in visitor to talk about.
- Hide any candy dishes - they're major interruption magnets.
- Keep track of who's interrupting you, why they're interrupting, and when they interrupt. If it's your boss, explain your predicament and see if you can schedule one-to-one sessions (in his office) regularly during the week to deal with many issues at once rather than randomly as they come up.
- Be very aware of your own interrupting style. Use the previous approach in handling interruptions with your staff as well.
- Develop a one-page check-list and put it as a visual aid on everyone’s desk. In it, estimate the cost of unjustified interruptions. Suggest that before people interrupt, they ask questions such as:
– crucial or not crucial?
– nice to know or need to know?
– is now the right time?
Successful people manage to stay on task, whatever the distractions. Rod Serling, (The Twilight Zone), once observed, “It's difficult to produce a television documentary that's both incisive and probing when every twelve-minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.”
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Some more feedback about feedback.
Post 442 - Dick Cavett once remarked that "It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear." Yet, giving and getting feedback plays a key role in open communication. It's a way of seeing the impact on another of what we say or do. Learning about how we come across to others can help us choose alternative ways of behaving. Negative feedback can be destructive and encourage defensiveness.
Feedback is constructive if:
- it's asked for rather than imposed.
- it's well timed. Feedback is most often useful when it's given immediately after the incident in question. However, it's best to wait if the recipients are angry, confused, upset or defensive and not inclined to listen.
- it's not saved up and given all at once. This is usually accompanied by a buildup of feeling that's hard to separate from the message.
- it's checked to ensure accuracy and clarity.
- it's validity is checked against the perception of others.
- it's intended to be helpful to the recipients and meets their needs rather than just the needs of the person giving the feedback.
- it's specific rather than general. Examples of specific statements and behaviors are most useful.
- it leaves the recipients free to do whatever they want with it.
- it describes the recipient's behavior and its impact on others without making any judgments about them as a person.
- it's given in a climate of trust with a feeling of caring and support.
- it focuses on issues the recipient can do something about.
- if it's negative, it's proceeded by positive feedback.
- it's best received non defensively. A good rule of thumb is when receiving feedback, ask only clarifying questions.
- the recipients have an opportunity to say what they think and feel about the feedback when it's all over.
Don't assume your high performers know how good they are. Instead, use these tips to give them the feedback they want and deserve:
1. Identify development areas.
There may only be a few and you may need to work hard to identify and articulate them, but help your stars understand what they can get better at.
2. Show your appreciation.
Failing to say thank you is a simple and common mistake. Your star performers need feedback and praise just as much as everyone else.
3. Give feedback often.
Don't wait for review time. High performers thrive off feedback and if you have some working for you, it's your job to give it frequently.
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but those who hate to be rebuked are stupid," according to the Bible, Proverbs 12:1
Feedback is constructive if:
- it's asked for rather than imposed.
- it's well timed. Feedback is most often useful when it's given immediately after the incident in question. However, it's best to wait if the recipients are angry, confused, upset or defensive and not inclined to listen.
- it's not saved up and given all at once. This is usually accompanied by a buildup of feeling that's hard to separate from the message.
- it's checked to ensure accuracy and clarity.
- it's validity is checked against the perception of others.
- it's intended to be helpful to the recipients and meets their needs rather than just the needs of the person giving the feedback.
- it's specific rather than general. Examples of specific statements and behaviors are most useful.
- it leaves the recipients free to do whatever they want with it.
- it describes the recipient's behavior and its impact on others without making any judgments about them as a person.
- it's given in a climate of trust with a feeling of caring and support.
- it focuses on issues the recipient can do something about.
- if it's negative, it's proceeded by positive feedback.
- it's best received non defensively. A good rule of thumb is when receiving feedback, ask only clarifying questions.
- the recipients have an opportunity to say what they think and feel about the feedback when it's all over.
Don't assume your high performers know how good they are. Instead, use these tips to give them the feedback they want and deserve:
1. Identify development areas.
There may only be a few and you may need to work hard to identify and articulate them, but help your stars understand what they can get better at.
2. Show your appreciation.
Failing to say thank you is a simple and common mistake. Your star performers need feedback and praise just as much as everyone else.
3. Give feedback often.
Don't wait for review time. High performers thrive off feedback and if you have some working for you, it's your job to give it frequently.
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but those who hate to be rebuked are stupid," according to the Bible, Proverbs 12:1
Monday, March 8, 2010
Knowing how to listen.
Post 441 - Listening isn't like the mail. What you receive isn't necessarily what got sent. Here's a checklist to monitor your current listening habits:
- Are you waiting impatiently for the other person to shut up so you can talk?
- Are you in such a hurry to offer a solution that you don't wait to hear the problem?
- Are you listening only for what you want to hear?
- Are your prejudices interfering with your listening?
- Do your thoughts wander while the other person is talking?
- Are you memorizing the details but missing the big picture?
- Do you just pretend to listen?
- Do you try to find out if arguments reflect a real difference of opinion or just how the issue is worded?
Plutarch advised, "Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly." If you want to improve, here are the ten commandments for good listening:
1. Stop talking.
You can't listen if you're talking. Hidden in the word listen is the word silence.
2. Put the talker at ease.
Help the talker feel free to talk by creating a permissive environment.
3. Show that you want to listen.
Look and act interested. Don't continue reading your mail. And listen to understand rather than to oppose. Check regularly for understanding.
4. Remove distractions.
Don't doodle, tap your pen or shuffle papers. Will it be quieter if you shut the door?
5. Empathize.
Try to put yourself in the speaker's place so you can see their point of view. Don't just hear what's being said. Watch nonverbal cues that could indicate what isn't being said. Often what isn't being said is as important as what is.
6. Be patient.
Allow plenty of time. Don't interrupt. Don't start to move towards the door or begin to walk away.
7. Hold your temper.
An angry person usually gets the wrong meaning from what's being said. Remember Mark Twain’s advice: "When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear!"
8. Go easy on argument and criticism.
If you put the speaker on the defensive, they may clam up or get angry. Don't argue, because when you do, even if you win, you lose.
9. Ask questions.
This encourages the talker to continue and shows that you're listening.
10. One more time, stop talking.
This is the first and last commandment because all the other commandments depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which should remind us to listen twice as much as we talk nearly every time.
Here’s a funny story from John who was the shoe-shine man at Warner Brothers. He said he thinks that out everyone he’s met over the past 50 years, Charlton Heston was the nicest. And he said that although everyone told Charlton to be meaner and less of a gentleman, Charlton just kept on being nice. John said that, in that context, “Real men don’t listen.”
- Are you waiting impatiently for the other person to shut up so you can talk?
- Are you in such a hurry to offer a solution that you don't wait to hear the problem?
- Are you listening only for what you want to hear?
- Are your prejudices interfering with your listening?
- Do your thoughts wander while the other person is talking?
- Are you memorizing the details but missing the big picture?
- Do you just pretend to listen?
- Do you try to find out if arguments reflect a real difference of opinion or just how the issue is worded?
Plutarch advised, "Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly." If you want to improve, here are the ten commandments for good listening:
1. Stop talking.
You can't listen if you're talking. Hidden in the word listen is the word silence.
2. Put the talker at ease.
Help the talker feel free to talk by creating a permissive environment.
3. Show that you want to listen.
Look and act interested. Don't continue reading your mail. And listen to understand rather than to oppose. Check regularly for understanding.
4. Remove distractions.
Don't doodle, tap your pen or shuffle papers. Will it be quieter if you shut the door?
5. Empathize.
Try to put yourself in the speaker's place so you can see their point of view. Don't just hear what's being said. Watch nonverbal cues that could indicate what isn't being said. Often what isn't being said is as important as what is.
6. Be patient.
Allow plenty of time. Don't interrupt. Don't start to move towards the door or begin to walk away.
7. Hold your temper.
An angry person usually gets the wrong meaning from what's being said. Remember Mark Twain’s advice: "When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear!"
8. Go easy on argument and criticism.
If you put the speaker on the defensive, they may clam up or get angry. Don't argue, because when you do, even if you win, you lose.
9. Ask questions.
This encourages the talker to continue and shows that you're listening.
10. One more time, stop talking.
This is the first and last commandment because all the other commandments depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which should remind us to listen twice as much as we talk nearly every time.
Here’s a funny story from John who was the shoe-shine man at Warner Brothers. He said he thinks that out everyone he’s met over the past 50 years, Charlton Heston was the nicest. And he said that although everyone told Charlton to be meaner and less of a gentleman, Charlton just kept on being nice. John said that, in that context, “Real men don’t listen.”
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thinking about improving communication.
Post 439 - Most of the organizations I work with start off by reporting problems with communication. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company isn't going to discuss it with the employees" - a quote from a switching supervisor at AT&T's Long Lines Division. That didn't sound like a very promising strategy to me.....
Here's a comprehensive list of communication characteristics compiled by therapist and author Phil Rich. Take a look and see what resonates for you.
Ineffective Communication:
* Indirect - doesn't get to the point, never clearly states the purpose or intention.
* Passive - timid and reserved.
* Antagonistic - angry, aggressive or hostile in tone.
* Cryptic - the underlying message or purpose is obscured and requires interpretation.
* Hidden - the true agenda is never stated directly.
* Non-verbal - communicated through body language and behaviors, not words.
* One way - more talk than listening.
* Unresponsive - little interest in the perspective or needs of the other person.
* Off-base - responses and needs of the other person are misunderstood and misinterpreted.
* Dishonest - misleading statements are substituted for true feelings, thoughts, and needs.
Effective Communication:
* Direct-to the point, leaving no doubt as to meaning or purpose.
* Assertive - not afraid to state what's wanted and why.
* Congenial - affable and friendly.
* Clear - the underlying issues are clear.
* Open - no intentionally hidden messages or meanings.
* Verbal - words are used to clearly express ideas.
* Two way - equal amounts of talking and listening.
* Responsive - attention is paid to the needs and perspectives of the other person.
* Honest - true feelings, thoughts, and needs are stated.
Susan Scott, the author of Fierce Conversations, says, “The two greatest communication technologies any of us possess are eye contact and purity of intention.” It's also worth noting an observation by the late eminent British psychoanalyst, Wilfred Bion, who said, “The purest form of communication is to listen without memory or desire.”
Here's a comprehensive list of communication characteristics compiled by therapist and author Phil Rich. Take a look and see what resonates for you.
Ineffective Communication:
* Indirect - doesn't get to the point, never clearly states the purpose or intention.
* Passive - timid and reserved.
* Antagonistic - angry, aggressive or hostile in tone.
* Cryptic - the underlying message or purpose is obscured and requires interpretation.
* Hidden - the true agenda is never stated directly.
* Non-verbal - communicated through body language and behaviors, not words.
* One way - more talk than listening.
* Unresponsive - little interest in the perspective or needs of the other person.
* Off-base - responses and needs of the other person are misunderstood and misinterpreted.
* Dishonest - misleading statements are substituted for true feelings, thoughts, and needs.
Effective Communication:
* Direct-to the point, leaving no doubt as to meaning or purpose.
* Assertive - not afraid to state what's wanted and why.
* Congenial - affable and friendly.
* Clear - the underlying issues are clear.
* Open - no intentionally hidden messages or meanings.
* Verbal - words are used to clearly express ideas.
* Two way - equal amounts of talking and listening.
* Responsive - attention is paid to the needs and perspectives of the other person.
* Honest - true feelings, thoughts, and needs are stated.
Susan Scott, the author of Fierce Conversations, says, “The two greatest communication technologies any of us possess are eye contact and purity of intention.” It's also worth noting an observation by the late eminent British psychoanalyst, Wilfred Bion, who said, “The purest form of communication is to listen without memory or desire.”
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Some guidelines for texting.
Post 437 - Research shows that people take longer to reply to voice messages than other types of communication. Data from uReach Technologies, which operates the voice messaging systems of Verizon Wireless and other cellphone carriers, shows that over 30% of voice messages linger unheard for three days or longer and that more than 20% of people with messages in their mailboxes rarely even dial in to check them.
By contrast, 91% of people under 30 respond to text messages within an hour, and they’re four times more likely to respond within minutes to texts than to voice messages, according to a 2008 study for Sprint conducted by the Opinion Research Corporation. The study also found that adults 30 and older are twice as likely to respond within minutes to a text than to a voice message.
Texting is a good way to communicate because:
* You can really craft your response before you send it.
* You can use emoticons! ／(.^.)＼.
* If you’re busy you don’t have to respond right away.
* It’s sometimes a lot less scary than calling someone in person.
* A lack of response can be very powerful.
Texting can be a problem because:
* Your text conversation is recorded forever!! And text messages can be traced.
* It’s easy to send the wrong text to the wrong person.
* Texts are often shared among friends - “Look what Elizabeth said about ...”
* It’s difficult to pick up someone's tone in a text – a playful tone doesn’t always come through correctly and sarcasm can be difficult to convey. So steer clear of that when texting to ensure your message will be understood.
* Sometimes you want a response right away but the sender can’t or won’t reply.
Here are a few rules to text by:
* Keep it short and sweet. Get your point across and leave it at that; don’t elaborate on any unnecessary ideas.
* Don't just say, "Hey it's me, so & so, what's up?" You’ll just get the obvious, socially programmed response of "Not much, how about you?" Try to be creative and memorable in your opening message.
* "Text me when you need me." Otherwise, don't bother me. If it's really urgent, make a voice call.
* Texting is considered a casual form of communication and is used primarily to chat with friends and family. To be straightforward and clear, text full words, especially in business dealings. It’s poor etiquette to use texting for important conversations, such as breaking up with a significant other or sending condolences to someone. Also it should never be used to deliver bad news to someone. Such conversations are best done face-to-face.
* Be careful of what you say about third parties as it may be passed on or read or posted by others.
* Be responsive but not rude. If you want to respond to a text, and you're in a conversation with others, ask for permission. Appropriate times to text are when you have some time to yourself, such as in the doctor’s waiting room. It’s also OK to text when talking on your cell phone would disturb others, such as in an auditorium or a library.
* Make sure that your humor is clear and easily interpreted. Always ask yourself, "Is there any way that this could be misinterpreted?" If your answer is yes, then alter it or add to it.
* Don’t text while driving: It’s both dumb and dangerous. Talking on a phone is bad enough. You won't know what hit you - or what you hit - if you’re pounding out a message on your keyboard.
So, if you don’t text already, join the revolution. More than 90% of younger people text, while only 20% of people over 45 do so. And according to a study by German technology advocate Bitkom, people age 14 to 29 would rather give up their relationship partner than their cell phone - by a 2-to-1 margin! That's scary.
By contrast, 91% of people under 30 respond to text messages within an hour, and they’re four times more likely to respond within minutes to texts than to voice messages, according to a 2008 study for Sprint conducted by the Opinion Research Corporation. The study also found that adults 30 and older are twice as likely to respond within minutes to a text than to a voice message.
Texting is a good way to communicate because:
* You can really craft your response before you send it.
* You can use emoticons! ／(.^.)＼.
* If you’re busy you don’t have to respond right away.
* It’s sometimes a lot less scary than calling someone in person.
* A lack of response can be very powerful.
Texting can be a problem because:
* Your text conversation is recorded forever!! And text messages can be traced.
* It’s easy to send the wrong text to the wrong person.
* Texts are often shared among friends - “Look what Elizabeth said about ...”
* It’s difficult to pick up someone's tone in a text – a playful tone doesn’t always come through correctly and sarcasm can be difficult to convey. So steer clear of that when texting to ensure your message will be understood.
* Sometimes you want a response right away but the sender can’t or won’t reply.
Here are a few rules to text by:
* Keep it short and sweet. Get your point across and leave it at that; don’t elaborate on any unnecessary ideas.
* Don't just say, "Hey it's me, so & so, what's up?" You’ll just get the obvious, socially programmed response of "Not much, how about you?" Try to be creative and memorable in your opening message.
* "Text me when you need me." Otherwise, don't bother me. If it's really urgent, make a voice call.
* Texting is considered a casual form of communication and is used primarily to chat with friends and family. To be straightforward and clear, text full words, especially in business dealings. It’s poor etiquette to use texting for important conversations, such as breaking up with a significant other or sending condolences to someone. Also it should never be used to deliver bad news to someone. Such conversations are best done face-to-face.
* Be careful of what you say about third parties as it may be passed on or read or posted by others.
* Be responsive but not rude. If you want to respond to a text, and you're in a conversation with others, ask for permission. Appropriate times to text are when you have some time to yourself, such as in the doctor’s waiting room. It’s also OK to text when talking on your cell phone would disturb others, such as in an auditorium or a library.
* Make sure that your humor is clear and easily interpreted. Always ask yourself, "Is there any way that this could be misinterpreted?" If your answer is yes, then alter it or add to it.
* Don’t text while driving: It’s both dumb and dangerous. Talking on a phone is bad enough. You won't know what hit you - or what you hit - if you’re pounding out a message on your keyboard.
So, if you don’t text already, join the revolution. More than 90% of younger people text, while only 20% of people over 45 do so. And according to a study by German technology advocate Bitkom, people age 14 to 29 would rather give up their relationship partner than their cell phone - by a 2-to-1 margin! That's scary.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
How to manage your emails.
Post 434 - I get hundreds of emails a week while many people I know get hundreds of emails every day. Here are some thoughts about how to cope with that overload and some tips that'll increase the chances that your emails will be read rather than trashed:
* Delete redundancies. If a reader senses repetition, she's likely to start skimming or stop reading altogether.
* Use specifics. Replace adjectives and adverbs with numbers or examples. Rather than "This large mistake is costing us lots of money," it's better to say, "This mistake is costing us $1 million a month."
* Stay on topic. If a sentence doesn't relate to your main point, delete it.
* Remember that many people read their emails on mobile devices. Keep in mind that an email with only ten sentences looks like a lengthy message on a Blackberry screen.
* Don’t write emails when you’re angry, upset or otherwise not yourself. And always avoid sarcasm.
Forwarding emails to share information with others helps build relationships and cultivates networks. Here are three tips for forwarding:
* Be selective when choosing your recipients. The person on the receiving end should think, "He knows what I'm interested in," not, "Oh no, another tasteless joke from him."
* Don't forward funny emails to large groups of people. Just because you think something is funny doesn't mean everyone else will. Avoid the risk of giving offense by being discriminating in what you send and to whom.
* Be considerate of other people's time. If someone doesn't respond to your forwarded message, take the hint and remove them from your list.
Many cold-call emails go without a reply. Whether you’re contacting someone about a job, or prospecting for a sale, or building your network, David Silverman suggests the following four ways to improve your chances of getting the response you want:
* Don't send a generic email that's all about yourself. Personalize it by focusing on what you and the recipient have in common. Mention the group you found her through on Facebook or LinkedIn or something specific you know and admire about her company.
* Demonstrate value by saying exactly what you're offering the recipient. Be upfront about what you can give her and why she should respond.
* Always include a call to action. Specify what you want her to do: email you back, reach out to set up a call, or forward your email to someone else.
* Keep your emails clear, articulate, typo-free, and to the point.
When emails or voice mails go unanswered, we're sometimes left wondering what we did wrong. Here are three tips from Peter Bregman for handling the silence:
* Don't take it personally. Often there's a logical explanation for the silence - the company hasn't funded the position yet, or your colleague has no new information to share. Don't assume you did something wrong. Remember, other people may have other priorities.
* Don't pester. In today's hectic world, sometimes all people can do is to handle crises and keep up with other top priorities. If you're neither, you're unlikely to improve your chances of getting a response by pestering them with repeated follow-up emails or phone calls.
* Once you've sent your follow up, assume you won't hear back. If you do hear back, it'll be a nice surprise. And if not, you won't have wasted your time and energy stressing about it.
A full inbox often means unopened messages, backlogged responses, and unnecessary stress. Gina Trapani suggests the following ways to clear your inbox and your mind:
* Read your email in batches. Don't just scan for urgent messages and leave everything else for later; that's how you eventually get buried. Check your email at set times during the day and immediately file messages into one of three folders: follow-up, hold, or archive.
* Using the "two-minute rule," if it'll take less than two minutes to respond (this covers most of my emails), respond right away and get rid of it. Don't let those easy-to-respond-to messages fill up your inbox.
* I suspect we all get messages from mailing lists that are no longer of interest. Tune your spam filter and set up rules that get as much of the useless stuff out of your way automatically as you can. Then identify those lists that add value and unsubscribe from the rest.
Always remember, there's no such thing as boring information; there's only boring presentation.
Amazing information + terrible presentation = sleep.
“Who cares” information + great presentation = WOO HOO!
* Delete redundancies. If a reader senses repetition, she's likely to start skimming or stop reading altogether.
* Use specifics. Replace adjectives and adverbs with numbers or examples. Rather than "This large mistake is costing us lots of money," it's better to say, "This mistake is costing us $1 million a month."
* Stay on topic. If a sentence doesn't relate to your main point, delete it.
* Remember that many people read their emails on mobile devices. Keep in mind that an email with only ten sentences looks like a lengthy message on a Blackberry screen.
* Don’t write emails when you’re angry, upset or otherwise not yourself. And always avoid sarcasm.
Forwarding emails to share information with others helps build relationships and cultivates networks. Here are three tips for forwarding:
* Be selective when choosing your recipients. The person on the receiving end should think, "He knows what I'm interested in," not, "Oh no, another tasteless joke from him."
* Don't forward funny emails to large groups of people. Just because you think something is funny doesn't mean everyone else will. Avoid the risk of giving offense by being discriminating in what you send and to whom.
* Be considerate of other people's time. If someone doesn't respond to your forwarded message, take the hint and remove them from your list.
Many cold-call emails go without a reply. Whether you’re contacting someone about a job, or prospecting for a sale, or building your network, David Silverman suggests the following four ways to improve your chances of getting the response you want:
* Don't send a generic email that's all about yourself. Personalize it by focusing on what you and the recipient have in common. Mention the group you found her through on Facebook or LinkedIn or something specific you know and admire about her company.
* Demonstrate value by saying exactly what you're offering the recipient. Be upfront about what you can give her and why she should respond.
* Always include a call to action. Specify what you want her to do: email you back, reach out to set up a call, or forward your email to someone else.
* Keep your emails clear, articulate, typo-free, and to the point.
When emails or voice mails go unanswered, we're sometimes left wondering what we did wrong. Here are three tips from Peter Bregman for handling the silence:
* Don't take it personally. Often there's a logical explanation for the silence - the company hasn't funded the position yet, or your colleague has no new information to share. Don't assume you did something wrong. Remember, other people may have other priorities.
* Don't pester. In today's hectic world, sometimes all people can do is to handle crises and keep up with other top priorities. If you're neither, you're unlikely to improve your chances of getting a response by pestering them with repeated follow-up emails or phone calls.
* Once you've sent your follow up, assume you won't hear back. If you do hear back, it'll be a nice surprise. And if not, you won't have wasted your time and energy stressing about it.
A full inbox often means unopened messages, backlogged responses, and unnecessary stress. Gina Trapani suggests the following ways to clear your inbox and your mind:
* Read your email in batches. Don't just scan for urgent messages and leave everything else for later; that's how you eventually get buried. Check your email at set times during the day and immediately file messages into one of three folders: follow-up, hold, or archive.
* Using the "two-minute rule," if it'll take less than two minutes to respond (this covers most of my emails), respond right away and get rid of it. Don't let those easy-to-respond-to messages fill up your inbox.
* I suspect we all get messages from mailing lists that are no longer of interest. Tune your spam filter and set up rules that get as much of the useless stuff out of your way automatically as you can. Then identify those lists that add value and unsubscribe from the rest.
Always remember, there's no such thing as boring information; there's only boring presentation.
Amazing information + terrible presentation = sleep.
“Who cares” information + great presentation = WOO HOO!
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