Marshall Goldsmith, in his excellent new book, What Got You Here Won't Get You There, introduces the idea of coaching using feedforward as opposed to providing feedback. Negative feedback often becomes an exercise in “let me prove you were wrong.” This tends to produce defensiveness on the part of the receiver and discomfort on the part of the sender. Feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past. As Goldsmith observes, we can change the future while we're powerless to change the past.
Athletes are often trained using feedforward techniques. For example, basketball players are taught to see the ball going in the hoop and to imagine the perfect shot. By giving people ideas about how they can be even more successful, we can increase their chances of achieving this success in the future.
Anyone can apply this concept to their own situation at work in the following manner:
• Pick one behavior that you'd like to change. Change in this behavior should make a significant, positive difference in your life.
• Describe this behavior to selected direct reports and peers. This is done in one-on-one dialogs. It can be done quite simply, such as, “I want to be a better listener.”
• Ask for feedforward — for two suggestions for the future that they believe might help you achieve a positive change in your selected behavior. Participants aren't allowed to give ANY feedback about the past. They're only allowed to give ideas for the future.
• Listen attentively to the suggestions and take notes. Don't comment on the suggestions in any way. Don't critique them or even make positive judgmental statements such as, “That’s a good idea.”
• Thank the other person for their suggestions.
• Keep repeating the process at regular intervals (weekly, monthly) until the people involved agree that the behavior has been changed.
The intent of this post is not to imply that you should never give direct feedback or that performance appraisals should be abandoned. The intent is to show how feedforward can often be preferable to feedback in day-to-day interactions.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Ways to reduce stress.
The following strategies have been shown to help when you're not coping well with the stress in your life.
• Early recognition.
Everyone has a "stress container." Once this container gets full and overflows, you start to notice symptoms of distress. The trick is to recognize when your container is getting full and to have a consistent way to pour it out so you always keep some energy in reserve.
• Monitoring systems.
People experiencing stress are usually the last to notice the signs. Give your spouse, children, friends, peers and fellow employees permission to tell you when they see the signs. Normally, if you get angry and defensive, they won't tell you directly. So give them permission to tell you the truth.
• Exercise.
While exercise can help your overall health and longevity, and assist you with weight-loss goals, physical exercise has many stress management benefits as well. Working out and getting more physical activity in your life can help you relieve tension and manage stress with increased endorphins, social support, improved immunity and other positive benefits of exercise. Not only will you be more relaxed and happy, you’ll be healthier as well.
• Progressive muscle relaxation.
By tensing and relaxing all the muscle groups in your body, you can relieve tension and feel much more relaxed in minutes with no special training or equipment. Start by tensing all the muscles in your face, holding a tight grimace for ten seconds, then completely relaxing for another ten seconds. Repeat this with your neck, followed by your shoulders, etc. You can do this anywhere, and as you practice, you'll find you can relax more quickly and easily, reducing tension as soon as it starts!
• Deep breathing.
Deep breathing is an easy stress reliever that has numerous benefits for the body. It brings more oxygen to the blood, which ‘wakes up’ the brain, relaxes the muscles and quiets the mind. Breathing exercises are especially helpful because you can do them anywhere, and they work quickly so you can de-stress in a flash.
• Meditation.
More than 1,300 scientific studies have documented the benefits of meditation. Meditation builds on deep breathing and takes it a step further. To meditate, put yourself in a place of relaxation and listen for that "still point within yourself." Slow down your thoughts so you can have feelings in between your thoughts. The mental focus on nothingness keeps your mind from working overtime and increasing your stress level. Significant neurochemical changes happen during meditation and trigger the relaxation response including the release of certain hormones that promote health.
• Relationships.
Feeling connected to other people plays a major role in reducing stress. Isolation from others increases stress.
• Sex.
You probably already know that sex is a great tension reliever, but have you officially thought of it as a stress-relieving practice? Perhaps you should. The physical benefits of sex are numerous, and most of them work very well toward relieving stress. Sadly, many people have less sex when their stress levels are high. Learn how to avoid this.
• Music and the arts.
Listen to music, read a book or watch the sun set. The right music can actually lower your blood pressure, relax your body and calm your mind. Music that works for me includes Vivaldi's Four Seasons, Enya's A Day Without Rain and Yanni's It's My Time. Having multiple-sense imagery causes immediate neurochemical changes that enhance the relaxation response.
Ben Franklin summed it up well. In times of stress, the three best things to have are an old dog, an old wife and ready money.
• Early recognition.
Everyone has a "stress container." Once this container gets full and overflows, you start to notice symptoms of distress. The trick is to recognize when your container is getting full and to have a consistent way to pour it out so you always keep some energy in reserve.
• Monitoring systems.
People experiencing stress are usually the last to notice the signs. Give your spouse, children, friends, peers and fellow employees permission to tell you when they see the signs. Normally, if you get angry and defensive, they won't tell you directly. So give them permission to tell you the truth.
• Exercise.
While exercise can help your overall health and longevity, and assist you with weight-loss goals, physical exercise has many stress management benefits as well. Working out and getting more physical activity in your life can help you relieve tension and manage stress with increased endorphins, social support, improved immunity and other positive benefits of exercise. Not only will you be more relaxed and happy, you’ll be healthier as well.
• Progressive muscle relaxation.
By tensing and relaxing all the muscle groups in your body, you can relieve tension and feel much more relaxed in minutes with no special training or equipment. Start by tensing all the muscles in your face, holding a tight grimace for ten seconds, then completely relaxing for another ten seconds. Repeat this with your neck, followed by your shoulders, etc. You can do this anywhere, and as you practice, you'll find you can relax more quickly and easily, reducing tension as soon as it starts!
• Deep breathing.
Deep breathing is an easy stress reliever that has numerous benefits for the body. It brings more oxygen to the blood, which ‘wakes up’ the brain, relaxes the muscles and quiets the mind. Breathing exercises are especially helpful because you can do them anywhere, and they work quickly so you can de-stress in a flash.
• Meditation.
More than 1,300 scientific studies have documented the benefits of meditation. Meditation builds on deep breathing and takes it a step further. To meditate, put yourself in a place of relaxation and listen for that "still point within yourself." Slow down your thoughts so you can have feelings in between your thoughts. The mental focus on nothingness keeps your mind from working overtime and increasing your stress level. Significant neurochemical changes happen during meditation and trigger the relaxation response including the release of certain hormones that promote health.
• Relationships.
Feeling connected to other people plays a major role in reducing stress. Isolation from others increases stress.
• Sex.
You probably already know that sex is a great tension reliever, but have you officially thought of it as a stress-relieving practice? Perhaps you should. The physical benefits of sex are numerous, and most of them work very well toward relieving stress. Sadly, many people have less sex when their stress levels are high. Learn how to avoid this.
• Music and the arts.
Listen to music, read a book or watch the sun set. The right music can actually lower your blood pressure, relax your body and calm your mind. Music that works for me includes Vivaldi's Four Seasons, Enya's A Day Without Rain and Yanni's It's My Time. Having multiple-sense imagery causes immediate neurochemical changes that enhance the relaxation response.
Ben Franklin summed it up well. In times of stress, the three best things to have are an old dog, an old wife and ready money.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Managing stress.
All stress isn't the same. Positive stress - "eustress" - is energizing, motivating and can be fun. It's healthy and allows us to be more productive. Eustress adds spice to life.
Negative stress - chronic, unrelenting stress - depletes our reserves. When little stresses build up over time and never get resolved, they can become a big problem. These cause depletion of the system, eventual disease, including heart disease, and other dysfunctions.
"If people weren't stressed, they wouldn't do any work today," says Dr. Jerry Kornfeld, an expert on this topic. "It's how you cope with your stress that counts. If you don't cope with your stress, you get 'distress.' That's the enemy. That's what causes disease."
To check if your current stress level is dangerous, Dr. Kornfeld recommends the following simple self-test:
1 Would you describe your health as anything less than good?
2 Do you have high blood pressure?
3 Do you have skin rashes?
4 Do you have anxiety?
5 Are you often angry?
6 Would the people around you say you're not coping well?
The more you answer "yes" to these questions, the more distress you're feeling.
Worst Stress Scenarios.
The worst kind of stress leads to anger, hostility or the feeling of being in a constant rush because of time. Of more than 1,000 attorneys studied in a recent survey, those who fit this profile were three- to five-times more likely to have a heart attack. Those who were in the category of most hostile or most angry had the greatest chance of dying within the next five years. The study was also conducted with physicians. It found that doctors in the most stressed category had five times the risk of dying compared to those in the least stressed category.
Being Type A, in and of itself, isn't necessarily associated with a greater risk of heart attack. But being in the "hostile and angry" subset correlates with "high risk." So do regular intervals of "polyphasic" behavior - the kind of multi-tasking behavior that correlates to being in a chronic time crunch.
Tomorrow we'll review some ways to reduce stress.
Negative stress - chronic, unrelenting stress - depletes our reserves. When little stresses build up over time and never get resolved, they can become a big problem. These cause depletion of the system, eventual disease, including heart disease, and other dysfunctions.
"If people weren't stressed, they wouldn't do any work today," says Dr. Jerry Kornfeld, an expert on this topic. "It's how you cope with your stress that counts. If you don't cope with your stress, you get 'distress.' That's the enemy. That's what causes disease."
To check if your current stress level is dangerous, Dr. Kornfeld recommends the following simple self-test:
1 Would you describe your health as anything less than good?
2 Do you have high blood pressure?
3 Do you have skin rashes?
4 Do you have anxiety?
5 Are you often angry?
6 Would the people around you say you're not coping well?
The more you answer "yes" to these questions, the more distress you're feeling.
Worst Stress Scenarios.
The worst kind of stress leads to anger, hostility or the feeling of being in a constant rush because of time. Of more than 1,000 attorneys studied in a recent survey, those who fit this profile were three- to five-times more likely to have a heart attack. Those who were in the category of most hostile or most angry had the greatest chance of dying within the next five years. The study was also conducted with physicians. It found that doctors in the most stressed category had five times the risk of dying compared to those in the least stressed category.
Being Type A, in and of itself, isn't necessarily associated with a greater risk of heart attack. But being in the "hostile and angry" subset correlates with "high risk." So do regular intervals of "polyphasic" behavior - the kind of multi-tasking behavior that correlates to being in a chronic time crunch.
Tomorrow we'll review some ways to reduce stress.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Consolation, a poem by Billy Collins.
To celebrate the Fourth of July, I'm sharing a poem by the current U.S. Poet Laureate, William James "Billy" Collins. Collins says his poetry would have not developed in the direction it did, for better or worse, were it not for the spell that was cast over him as a boy by Warner Bros. cartoons. The freedom in cartoons to transcend the laws of basic physics, to hop around in time and space, and to skip from one dimension to another has long been a crucial aspect of imaginative poetry.
Given the price of gas these days and the number of people staying close to home for the Independence Day holiday weekend, the following poem seems very appropriate!
Consolation.
How agreeable it is not to be touring Italy this summer,
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.
There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes of famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon's
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.
How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?
Instead of slouching in a café ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.
And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal
what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.
It is enough to climb back into the car
as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.
Given the price of gas these days and the number of people staying close to home for the Independence Day holiday weekend, the following poem seems very appropriate!
Consolation.
How agreeable it is not to be touring Italy this summer,
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.
There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes of famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon's
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.
How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?
Instead of slouching in a café ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.
And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal
what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.
It is enough to climb back into the car
as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Coaching to improve employee performance.
The next step after conducting a performance review is coaching - to enhance employee capability and to improve awareness and self-confidence. It compliments and reinforces traditional performance improvement programs by adding important interpersonal factors to the focus on tools, techniques and work processes. Effective coaching is built around participative interaction with an emphasis on measuring quantifiable results. Most employees want to know: "How am I doing? How do you/the company feel about me? How do you feel about the role I’m playing? How am I progressing in my career at the company?"
People live for that feedback. Good coaches are 'non-threatening artists of encouragement.’
The following questions can be used to guide an employee coaching session:
What's on your mind?
* How are things going?
* What are you currently working on?
* What are some of the highlights of your week/month you want us to talk about?
* What would you like to focus on today?
What have you tried since we last talked?
* What worked? What didn't work?
* What stands out in your mind about the (meeting, assignment, interaction, interview...)?
* What’s worked best for you in similar situations the past?
* What have you seen others do that might work for you in this situation?
* How would you want to behave if that situation happened again?
* What can you imagine yourself doing differently next time?
What are you thinking of doing next?
* What steps do you need to take to be successful at what you’re working on?
* How do you plan to accomplish this?
* What would need to happen first?
* What else has to happen around you to make this work?
What obstacles might you encounter?
* What’s the biggest challenge you’re likely to face?
* What excuses might you make that could hold you back?
* What might prevent your efforts from being successful?
* How do you plan to overcome these obstacles?
How will you get the support you need?
* Who do you need to support you?
* How do you plan to get that support?
* What will the benefit be to you and to others if you accomplish this?
* What will the cost be if you don't?
* How will you see yourself differently if you do this?
* How will you feel differently about yourself?
* How will you work with others to keep this level of interaction (or whatever else fits here) alive and thriving?
Successful coaching depends on mutual commitment, enthusiastic engagement, regular meetings (which are scheduled separately from other business events), a focus on action planning, and regular accountability for results.
People live for that feedback. Good coaches are 'non-threatening artists of encouragement.’
The following questions can be used to guide an employee coaching session:
What's on your mind?
* How are things going?
* What are you currently working on?
* What are some of the highlights of your week/month you want us to talk about?
* What would you like to focus on today?
What have you tried since we last talked?
* What worked? What didn't work?
* What stands out in your mind about the (meeting, assignment, interaction, interview...)?
* What’s worked best for you in similar situations the past?
* What have you seen others do that might work for you in this situation?
* How would you want to behave if that situation happened again?
* What can you imagine yourself doing differently next time?
What are you thinking of doing next?
* What steps do you need to take to be successful at what you’re working on?
* How do you plan to accomplish this?
* What would need to happen first?
* What else has to happen around you to make this work?
What obstacles might you encounter?
* What’s the biggest challenge you’re likely to face?
* What excuses might you make that could hold you back?
* What might prevent your efforts from being successful?
* How do you plan to overcome these obstacles?
How will you get the support you need?
* Who do you need to support you?
* How do you plan to get that support?
* What will the benefit be to you and to others if you accomplish this?
* What will the cost be if you don't?
* How will you see yourself differently if you do this?
* How will you feel differently about yourself?
* How will you work with others to keep this level of interaction (or whatever else fits here) alive and thriving?
Successful coaching depends on mutual commitment, enthusiastic engagement, regular meetings (which are scheduled separately from other business events), a focus on action planning, and regular accountability for results.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Avoiding pitfalls in performance reviews.
A common consequence of being uncomfortable with conflict or confrontation is that managers and supervisors avoid giving performance reviews to their direct reports. Or if they do, they give mostly favorable ratings in order to avoid any unpleasantness. Here are some typical pitfalls and thoughts about how to avoid them.
- Poorly prepared review.
Make sure the written and verbal review discussion is well prepared, well thought out and well structured. Gather and organize your notes so you have all the necessary information at your fingertips.
- Not enough time for the meeting.
Allow enough time for free and full discussion. Schedule ample time for the meeting (60 - 90 minutes - remember, you don't have to use all of it). Meet in a private office with the door closed and avoid interruptions (forward your phone, put a note on the door, tell others that you're not to be disturbed).
- Talking too fast or too much.
Don’t do all the talking. Encourage response and questions. Get the employee talking about their own perceptions of their strengths and development needs. Don't be afraid of silence and allow enough time for the employee to process and understand what you're saying.
- Using absolutes (never, always, etc).
Choose your words carefully. Use description and specific examples rather than positive or negative evaluative comments. Avoid broad, general statements that are unsubstantiated.
- No examples.
List any performance deficiencies or specific areas of improvement needed and note specific examples (e.g. missed deadlines). Prepare for the discussion in advance so you know what you're going to say
- Getting emotional or sidetracked.
Try to present information in a positive, proactive way where the employee feels there's something they can do about it. Tell the truth. Don’t waffle, or be tentative about the discussion or information. Anticipate potential reactions to your statements in advance so you'll be prepared with a proper response.
- Not listening (or interrupting).
Listen more than you talk. Focus on understanding the employee’s comments. Avoid interrupting.
- No eye-contact.
When you make good eye-contact it signals you care, you’re engaged and you’re sure of yourself.
- Inauthentic praise.
Be sure to make a list of special accomplishments and demonstrated strengths with specific examples of the employee’s contributions.
- Unjustified ratings.
Make the ratings fair and honest. Avoid the tendency to inflate ratings to avoid conflict.
- Poorly prepared review.
Make sure the written and verbal review discussion is well prepared, well thought out and well structured. Gather and organize your notes so you have all the necessary information at your fingertips.
- Not enough time for the meeting.
Allow enough time for free and full discussion. Schedule ample time for the meeting (60 - 90 minutes - remember, you don't have to use all of it). Meet in a private office with the door closed and avoid interruptions (forward your phone, put a note on the door, tell others that you're not to be disturbed).
- Talking too fast or too much.
Don’t do all the talking. Encourage response and questions. Get the employee talking about their own perceptions of their strengths and development needs. Don't be afraid of silence and allow enough time for the employee to process and understand what you're saying.
- Using absolutes (never, always, etc).
Choose your words carefully. Use description and specific examples rather than positive or negative evaluative comments. Avoid broad, general statements that are unsubstantiated.
- No examples.
List any performance deficiencies or specific areas of improvement needed and note specific examples (e.g. missed deadlines). Prepare for the discussion in advance so you know what you're going to say
- Getting emotional or sidetracked.
Try to present information in a positive, proactive way where the employee feels there's something they can do about it. Tell the truth. Don’t waffle, or be tentative about the discussion or information. Anticipate potential reactions to your statements in advance so you'll be prepared with a proper response.
- Not listening (or interrupting).
Listen more than you talk. Focus on understanding the employee’s comments. Avoid interrupting.
- No eye-contact.
When you make good eye-contact it signals you care, you’re engaged and you’re sure of yourself.
- Inauthentic praise.
Be sure to make a list of special accomplishments and demonstrated strengths with specific examples of the employee’s contributions.
- Unjustified ratings.
Make the ratings fair and honest. Avoid the tendency to inflate ratings to avoid conflict.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
How to have confrontational conversations.
Confront means “to be with someone, to meet face to face.” It doesn’t necessarily mean fighting with another person. It means getting on the same side of the table and investigating the issue together.
Confrontation is simply a search for the truth. The first step is to own your piece of the truth and then open up to other truths.
To prepare for a confrontational conversation with someone:
• Get clear on what you want, why you want it, and who you want it from.
• Clarify what's happened, how you felt about it, and what's at stake.
• Consider how an objective third party might view the situation.
• Examine your contribution to the problem that you're bringing to the table.
• Examine your feelings about the confrontation. How long has it been building up and how long have you been postponing it?
• Write your opening statement, refine it and read it out loud. Hear the words coming out of your mouth. Keep working on it until you get it exactly right. Give specific examples, but not too many or you'll bog the other person down in needless detail.
During the conversation:
• Make your opening statement and define reality the way you see it. State the issue in the first person in abbreviated form: “This is what I saw happen, this is how I felt about it, this is what's at stake for me, and this is what I want to resolve in this conversation.”
• Ask the other person to give their version of reality. Let them know you may ask a lot of probing questions. Make sure they know that you fully understand and acknowledge their position and interests.
• Identify what each of you learned during the conversation so far. Ask questions like, “Where are we now? What's needed for resolution? What was left unsaid that needs saying? Have we moved off our original positions? What's our new understanding? Given this, how can we move forward from here? What might get in our way? How will we get past that? ”
• Make a new agreement and set up a way to hold each other accountable for making it work. Ask, "When should I follow up with you?"
The key to successful confrontation is asking questions rather than trying to build your case. Ask only questions after you've made your opening statement. Don’t go back to building your case no matter what the other person says. That will only put them on the defensive and send the message that your mind is closed rather than open.
Confrontation is simply a search for the truth. The first step is to own your piece of the truth and then open up to other truths.
To prepare for a confrontational conversation with someone:
• Get clear on what you want, why you want it, and who you want it from.
• Clarify what's happened, how you felt about it, and what's at stake.
• Consider how an objective third party might view the situation.
• Examine your contribution to the problem that you're bringing to the table.
• Examine your feelings about the confrontation. How long has it been building up and how long have you been postponing it?
• Write your opening statement, refine it and read it out loud. Hear the words coming out of your mouth. Keep working on it until you get it exactly right. Give specific examples, but not too many or you'll bog the other person down in needless detail.
During the conversation:
• Make your opening statement and define reality the way you see it. State the issue in the first person in abbreviated form: “This is what I saw happen, this is how I felt about it, this is what's at stake for me, and this is what I want to resolve in this conversation.”
• Ask the other person to give their version of reality. Let them know you may ask a lot of probing questions. Make sure they know that you fully understand and acknowledge their position and interests.
• Identify what each of you learned during the conversation so far. Ask questions like, “Where are we now? What's needed for resolution? What was left unsaid that needs saying? Have we moved off our original positions? What's our new understanding? Given this, how can we move forward from here? What might get in our way? How will we get past that? ”
• Make a new agreement and set up a way to hold each other accountable for making it work. Ask, "When should I follow up with you?"
The key to successful confrontation is asking questions rather than trying to build your case. Ask only questions after you've made your opening statement. Don’t go back to building your case no matter what the other person says. That will only put them on the defensive and send the message that your mind is closed rather than open.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
