Post 425 - Life is all about choices. “It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - JK Rowling.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson.
1.
I walk down the street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I'm lost ... I'm helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2.
I walk down the same street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place,
but it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3.
I walk down the same street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it's there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It's my fault.
I get out immediately.
4.
I walk down the same street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5.
I walk down a different street.
Charlie Munger, the Vice-Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, keeps a file of foolishness … filled with flops and the fatal fumbles that brought them forth. Rather than following the conventional wisdom of identifying and imitating the shrewd decisions that have led to business successes, as chronicled in such best sellers as Good to Great, In Search of Excellence, and Made to Last, he’s spent his time identifying and avoiding the inane decisions that have led to business blunders.
This might be a prudent strategy for everyone to follow. We could assemble our own file, and then refer to and use it systematically when making important choices.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Harnessing your emotional intelligence.
Post 424 - Emotional Intelligence describes the ability to identify, assess, and manage your own emotions and that of others, either individually or in groups. Research suggests that the higher you rise in a company, the more Emotional Intelligence (EI) matters. EI abilities rather than IQ or technical skills are the discriminating competencies that predict who's likely to emerge as the leader in a group of very smart people. For example, in a study of more than 515 senior global executives, the most successful had the strongest emotional intelligence scores. A recent Harvard University study revealed that 90% - 95% of one's success in organizational leadership positions is attributed to EI and only 5% to 10% to IQ.
The EI model was quite a hit when it was introduced by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence. Goleman focused on EI as a wide array of competencies and skills that drive leadership performance. He defined it in terms of self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, empathy, and the ability to love and be loved by friends, partners, and family members. Goleman outlined four main dimensions of EI:
1. Self-awareness - the ability to read one's own emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
2. Self-management - controlling one's own emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
3. Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to the emotions of others while understanding the dynamics of social networks.
4. Relationship management - the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing disagreement and conflict.
Goleman's book was later criticized because it didn't provide useful guidance about how to improve your EI. In this regard, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves is a book I highly recommend. “Emotional intelligence,” says Bradberry, “is another kind of smart. It’s having an awareness of your emotions, tendencies and the experience of others and then using that awareness to proactively manage your response to situations and people so you can avoid pitfalls and create better opportunities.” Bradberry and Greave's book allows each reader to test their emotional intelligence (they call it EQ) using a pass-code that provides access to an online test (so avoid used copies as the pass-code will have already been used). The test tells how well the taker manages their emotions, and pinpoints the specific skills they should focus on to improve.
Bradberry suggests that readers take the test and then practice three skills to help them improve in the one competency area where they scored lowest. The book presents a menu of 66 skills, all derived from extensive research conducted on how people actually increase their EQ. The beauty of the book is these skills are intuitive and easy to apply. Each technique is only 2-3 pages long, making it something you can read in the morning over breakfast and then focus on for the rest of the day. The catch is that you have to keep up this new way of doing things for three to six months before it becomes habitual. Because, as we all know, old habits die hard.
Emotional intelligence is important because
- 70% of us don't handle conflict or stress effectively.
- Just 38% of us can accurately identify our emotions as they happen.
- All signals entering our brain pass through the limbic system (the
emotional seat of the brain) before entering the cortex (the intellectual
seat of the brain).
- From a sample of thousands of leaders, research shows that CEOs on average have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace … but the higher the EQ, the better the CEO's performance.
• Strategies for increasing self-knowledge include actions like identifying physical cues for emotional states before you’re emotionally flooded.
• Strategies for increasing self-management include breathing properly … to make sure that enough oxygen is going to your brain.
• Another strategy is to monitor your self-defeating “inner talk.”
• Strategies for increasing social awareness include watching the body language of others, and practicing active listening.
• Strategies for increasing relationship management include being open and curious … find something new to notice about others. Ask questions about their thoughts and reactions (What do you like to do when you're not working?).
Self-knowledge doesn't necessarily translate into behavior; you have to isolate and practice EQ skills. So it's important to start with small steps and then practice your new skills frequently.
The EI model was quite a hit when it was introduced by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence. Goleman focused on EI as a wide array of competencies and skills that drive leadership performance. He defined it in terms of self-awareness, altruism, personal motivation, empathy, and the ability to love and be loved by friends, partners, and family members. Goleman outlined four main dimensions of EI:
1. Self-awareness - the ability to read one's own emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
2. Self-management - controlling one's own emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
3. Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to the emotions of others while understanding the dynamics of social networks.
4. Relationship management - the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing disagreement and conflict.
Goleman's book was later criticized because it didn't provide useful guidance about how to improve your EI. In this regard, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves is a book I highly recommend. “Emotional intelligence,” says Bradberry, “is another kind of smart. It’s having an awareness of your emotions, tendencies and the experience of others and then using that awareness to proactively manage your response to situations and people so you can avoid pitfalls and create better opportunities.” Bradberry and Greave's book allows each reader to test their emotional intelligence (they call it EQ) using a pass-code that provides access to an online test (so avoid used copies as the pass-code will have already been used). The test tells how well the taker manages their emotions, and pinpoints the specific skills they should focus on to improve.
Bradberry suggests that readers take the test and then practice three skills to help them improve in the one competency area where they scored lowest. The book presents a menu of 66 skills, all derived from extensive research conducted on how people actually increase their EQ. The beauty of the book is these skills are intuitive and easy to apply. Each technique is only 2-3 pages long, making it something you can read in the morning over breakfast and then focus on for the rest of the day. The catch is that you have to keep up this new way of doing things for three to six months before it becomes habitual. Because, as we all know, old habits die hard.
Emotional intelligence is important because
- 70% of us don't handle conflict or stress effectively.
- Just 38% of us can accurately identify our emotions as they happen.
- All signals entering our brain pass through the limbic system (the
emotional seat of the brain) before entering the cortex (the intellectual
seat of the brain).
- From a sample of thousands of leaders, research shows that CEOs on average have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace … but the higher the EQ, the better the CEO's performance.
• Strategies for increasing self-knowledge include actions like identifying physical cues for emotional states before you’re emotionally flooded.
• Strategies for increasing self-management include breathing properly … to make sure that enough oxygen is going to your brain.
• Another strategy is to monitor your self-defeating “inner talk.”
• Strategies for increasing social awareness include watching the body language of others, and practicing active listening.
• Strategies for increasing relationship management include being open and curious … find something new to notice about others. Ask questions about their thoughts and reactions (What do you like to do when you're not working?).
Self-knowledge doesn't necessarily translate into behavior; you have to isolate and practice EQ skills. So it's important to start with small steps and then practice your new skills frequently.
Friday, February 5, 2010
I loved you first, a poem by Christina Rossetti.
Post 423 - This poem is in keeping with my theme this week on the role of love in sustaining ideal relationships. Christina Rossetti was born in London in 1830 and was educated at home by her mother. Her brother was the famous poet and painter Dante Gabriel Rossetti so her house was a regular meeting place for the group of artists later known as the Pre-Raphaelites. Rossetti began writing at age seven, but she was 18 when her first published poem appeared in the Athenaeum magazine. Despite a lifetime of illness, she continued to write poetry. Her most famous collection, Goblin Market and Other Poems, was published in 1862 when she was 31. She died of cancer in 1894.
She once wrote, "When I am dead my dearest, sing no sad song for me, Plant thou no roses at my head, nor shady cypress tree. See the green grass above me with showers and dewdrops wet, And if thou wilt, remember, and if thou wilt, forget. I shall not see the shadows, I shall not feel the rain, I shall not hear the nightingale sing on as if in pain. And dreaming throughout the twilight that doth not rise nor set, Hap'ly will remember, and happily will forget".
I loved you first, by Christina Rossetti.
I loved you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? My love was long,
And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;
I loved and guessed at you, you construed me
And loved me for what might or might not be –
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not ‘mine’ or ‘thine;’
With separate ‘I’ and ‘thou’ free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of ‘thine that is not mine;’
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.
She once wrote, "When I am dead my dearest, sing no sad song for me, Plant thou no roses at my head, nor shady cypress tree. See the green grass above me with showers and dewdrops wet, And if thou wilt, remember, and if thou wilt, forget. I shall not see the shadows, I shall not feel the rain, I shall not hear the nightingale sing on as if in pain. And dreaming throughout the twilight that doth not rise nor set, Hap'ly will remember, and happily will forget".
I loved you first, by Christina Rossetti.
I loved you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? My love was long,
And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;
I loved and guessed at you, you construed me
And loved me for what might or might not be –
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not ‘mine’ or ‘thine;’
With separate ‘I’ and ‘thou’ free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of ‘thine that is not mine;’
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Building an ideal relationship.
Post 422 - The main difference between a good and an ideal relationship is that the latter equips us for life, and allows us to be a better person in the world. Sometimes we choose partners who make us feel good only when we’re together. If this kind of wonderful intensity is the only thing present, it doesn’t continue to make us feel more and more alive in the longer term. Eventually, the relationship turns in on itself rather than developing into a partnership which illuminates the world anew.
Why do we fall in love with one person and not with another? I believe there are three basic ingredients for romantic attraction: intellectual, emotional and sexual, and all of these need to be strong enough if we’re to make a good connection and build a lasting relationship. However, what makes a relationship good isn’t necessarily what we feel towards each other, but what we create of each other.
An ideal relationship makes our life larger, not smaller. When both parties grow and experience things they wouldn't have known about or sought out without the other person's influence, then the relationship contributes positively to each individual’s journey through life.
An ideal relationship isn’t without arguments (arguments probably allow both parties to evolve faster than any other type of interaction).
We don't worry when we’re not together and we have the most enjoyment when we are together.
There’s no place in our relationship for questions about perfection, love and fear.
There’s no fear of acceptance of our flaws and drawbacks.
We feel like we were born to be with the other person, yet we wonder why it took so long to find them.
We don't have to ask for anything - it just comes.
We don't have to make an effort to give - it just goes.
We’re friends as well as lovers. As we get older, we find that friendship is more enduring than passion.
We can grow together because we feel free together. As Leo Buscaglia wrote, "A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”
If all the compromises we make in a relationship (such as giving pleasure to our partner as opposed to receiving pleasure) aren’t often reciprocated or we constantly feel we’re getting short-changed and resent our partner for that, then it’s a good time to change the relationship in some way (e.g. confront our partner with our discontent and seek something better) or to find another relationship.
The corollary is that if we ever feel we’ve given as much as we wish or can, and yet that’s insufficient to sustain the relationship, then it's probably time to move on.
The ideal relationship brings the best out of us, not as a requirement, but rather as an effect. We have this ultimate connection with another person, which is also a channel for the exchange of energy. In an ideal relationship, passion generates lots of positive energy. However, even when we’re challenged by the other party, this negative energy can be positively channeled too. Although it may cause discomfort initially, it helps us to overcome inertia so we can grow and change in a positive way.
There really isn't an ideal relationship that fits everyone; its how you deal with the imperfections of the relationship that makes it ideal.
Why do we fall in love with one person and not with another? I believe there are three basic ingredients for romantic attraction: intellectual, emotional and sexual, and all of these need to be strong enough if we’re to make a good connection and build a lasting relationship. However, what makes a relationship good isn’t necessarily what we feel towards each other, but what we create of each other.
An ideal relationship makes our life larger, not smaller. When both parties grow and experience things they wouldn't have known about or sought out without the other person's influence, then the relationship contributes positively to each individual’s journey through life.
An ideal relationship isn’t without arguments (arguments probably allow both parties to evolve faster than any other type of interaction).
We don't worry when we’re not together and we have the most enjoyment when we are together.
There’s no place in our relationship for questions about perfection, love and fear.
There’s no fear of acceptance of our flaws and drawbacks.
We feel like we were born to be with the other person, yet we wonder why it took so long to find them.
We don't have to ask for anything - it just comes.
We don't have to make an effort to give - it just goes.
We’re friends as well as lovers. As we get older, we find that friendship is more enduring than passion.
We can grow together because we feel free together. As Leo Buscaglia wrote, "A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”
If all the compromises we make in a relationship (such as giving pleasure to our partner as opposed to receiving pleasure) aren’t often reciprocated or we constantly feel we’re getting short-changed and resent our partner for that, then it’s a good time to change the relationship in some way (e.g. confront our partner with our discontent and seek something better) or to find another relationship.
The corollary is that if we ever feel we’ve given as much as we wish or can, and yet that’s insufficient to sustain the relationship, then it's probably time to move on.
The ideal relationship brings the best out of us, not as a requirement, but rather as an effect. We have this ultimate connection with another person, which is also a channel for the exchange of energy. In an ideal relationship, passion generates lots of positive energy. However, even when we’re challenged by the other party, this negative energy can be positively channeled too. Although it may cause discomfort initially, it helps us to overcome inertia so we can grow and change in a positive way.
There really isn't an ideal relationship that fits everyone; its how you deal with the imperfections of the relationship that makes it ideal.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
How to sustain a fulfilling relationship.
Post 421 - These ideas are taken from “A Journal for all Relationships,” a new book by Vince and Sally Huntington, to be published later this year. The Huntingtons are psychotherapists and are licensed as Marriage and Family Therapists. Together, they hosted a radio show in San Diego for 10-years where they were able to empirically test and formally research their observations on what defines a fulfilling relationship.
They found that true love, once found, continues only with the exchange of promises to: “please meet my needs by helping me have good feelings and help me not to have bad feelings.” As long as this exchange continues, they say, the feelings of love will continue.
However, relationships are complicated by our shifting needs for togetherness on the one hand, and autonomy on the other. Running from or trying to avoid one extreme or the other can be confusing to sort out. A major challenge is to be able to openly tell your partner when either loneliness or feeling smothered begins to rule your life. They say people don’t ‘fall out of love.’ They simply misidentify the natural shifts which take place between one extreme or the other of this wonder of human existence. So it’s vital to learn the shifts of that person who brought you the love you share.
They’ve also identified six critical areas which need to be well understood and consciously catered to for loving relationships to continue to be fulfilling. These relationships cease to be nourishing when:
(1) Basic trust is taken for granted but never actually defined.
(2) Communication fails (she/he just doesn’t hear you) and anger begins to rule.
(3) Family presence obstructs the life style of the relationship (parent pressures, ill child, siblings, step-parenting, etc.).
(4) Money styles clash (savers versus spenders).
(5) Sex and affection are misunderstood, are out of sync, or out of control.
(6) Couples forget that they’re individuals and unconsciously or unwillingly lose their individuality in the marriage.
They suggest a key question for each party in the relationship is to ask themselves: "Can I be in a relationship with this person without losing who I am?" If the answer is no, then it's time to move on.
They found that true love, once found, continues only with the exchange of promises to: “please meet my needs by helping me have good feelings and help me not to have bad feelings.” As long as this exchange continues, they say, the feelings of love will continue.
However, relationships are complicated by our shifting needs for togetherness on the one hand, and autonomy on the other. Running from or trying to avoid one extreme or the other can be confusing to sort out. A major challenge is to be able to openly tell your partner when either loneliness or feeling smothered begins to rule your life. They say people don’t ‘fall out of love.’ They simply misidentify the natural shifts which take place between one extreme or the other of this wonder of human existence. So it’s vital to learn the shifts of that person who brought you the love you share.
They’ve also identified six critical areas which need to be well understood and consciously catered to for loving relationships to continue to be fulfilling. These relationships cease to be nourishing when:
(1) Basic trust is taken for granted but never actually defined.
(2) Communication fails (she/he just doesn’t hear you) and anger begins to rule.
(3) Family presence obstructs the life style of the relationship (parent pressures, ill child, siblings, step-parenting, etc.).
(4) Money styles clash (savers versus spenders).
(5) Sex and affection are misunderstood, are out of sync, or out of control.
(6) Couples forget that they’re individuals and unconsciously or unwillingly lose their individuality in the marriage.
They suggest a key question for each party in the relationship is to ask themselves: "Can I be in a relationship with this person without losing who I am?" If the answer is no, then it's time to move on.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Some reflections on how to love.
Post 420 - I watched the movie Elmer Gantry the other night and took note when Burt Lancaster said several times that "Love is the morning and the evening star" (which is presumably a reference to the planet Venus). It reminded me that I've never written about love - that which "makes the world go 'round," according to a once popular song. Even if love doesn't make the world go 'round, it certainly makes the ride worthwhile. So here are some thoughts on this topic:
Freud, when asked what a normal person should be able to do well, said "to love and to work." He also said that the best cure for a neurosis was to fall in love.
You’ve got to learn how to love before you learn how to live.
Love isn't love until you give it away. The love you give away is the only love you keep.
The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Love doesn't consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Love is like playing the piano. First, you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.
Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.
What we need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.
Let's hope that we're all preceded in this world by a love story.
1 Corinthians 13 is a very famous romantic blessing that's often used at weddings:
1. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.
10. But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
And for all you contrarians, I remember a bumper sticker in the early '90s that said, "Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate!"
Freud, when asked what a normal person should be able to do well, said "to love and to work." He also said that the best cure for a neurosis was to fall in love.
You’ve got to learn how to love before you learn how to live.
Love isn't love until you give it away. The love you give away is the only love you keep.
The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Love doesn't consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Love is like playing the piano. First, you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver.
Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.
What we need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.
Let's hope that we're all preceded in this world by a love story.
1 Corinthians 13 is a very famous romantic blessing that's often used at weddings:
1. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.
10. But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
And for all you contrarians, I remember a bumper sticker in the early '90s that said, "Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate!"
Monday, February 1, 2010
How to change behavior.
Post 419 - What if a well-informed, trusted authority figure said you had to make difficult and enduring changes in the way you think and act? If you didn't, your time would end soon - a lot sooner than it had to. Could you change when change really mattered? When it mattered most? Yes, you say? You're probably fooling yourself. The scientifically studied odds: nine to one against you.
As an example, the root cause of the health care crisis hasn't changed for decades, yet the government and the medical establishment still can't figure out what to do about it. Even though 80% of the health-care budget is consumed by five behavioral issues: too much smoking, drinking, eating, and stress, and not enough exercise.
Changing people’s behavior isn't just the biggest challenge in health care. It's also the most important challenge for businesses trying to compete in a today’s turbulent world. So, I’ve listed below some of the things we know about changing behavior:
Change is constant, normal and inevitable. However, growth is optional.
The only one who really enjoys change is a wet baby.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. History does repeat itself.
None of us can change our yesterdays, but all of us can change our tomorrows.
If you want to change the world, the place to begin is with yourself.
We can only change ourselves – no one else.
We can't change the cards we're dealt, just how we play the hand.
Yet, if you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar, but most people prefer to change a little bit at a time.
Paradoxically, big fast changes are often easier than small ones.
People don’t resist change as much as they resist changing.
Disgust and determination are two key contributors to change. It helps when people are uncomfortable with the status quo.
The two most commonly used strategies, coercion and rationality, are largely ineffective in changing behavior.
Bad news by itself doesn’t energize people to change.
The cumulative weight of specialization and experience make it difficult for people to change.
To be persuasive, the reasons for changing must be simple to understand, easy to identify with, emotionally resonant, and evocative of positive experiences.
It's always important to identify, achieve, and celebrate some quick, positive result for the vital emotional lift that it provides.
Quantifiable feedback is the key to radical and lasting behavior change.
It’s best to start small. It’s always easier to plant a large garden than it is to look after it.
Woody Allen had a comedy routine about the first landing of UFOs on Earth and our first contact with an advanced civilization. Allen wrote that most worries about planetary takeovers involve aliens that are light years away and centuries ahead of us in technology, bringing devices we can't understand or communicate with, which enables them to control everything. Not to worry, Allen said. If we can't understand or communicate with their systems, we'll just ignore them, doing our work the way we always do until they leave in frustration. Instead, he argued, the advanced civilization that we should really worry about is one that is just 15-minutes ahead. That way, they'd always be first in line for the movies, they'd never miss a meeting with the boss... and they'd always be first in every race.
Rosabeth Moss Kanter calls this the "15-minute competitive advantage" - changing in short fast bursts rather than waiting for the breakthrough that transforms everything. If every 15-minutes, you learn something and incorporate it into the next speedy step, you'll continue to be ahead. And a few time periods later, transformation will be underway.
As an example, the root cause of the health care crisis hasn't changed for decades, yet the government and the medical establishment still can't figure out what to do about it. Even though 80% of the health-care budget is consumed by five behavioral issues: too much smoking, drinking, eating, and stress, and not enough exercise.
Changing people’s behavior isn't just the biggest challenge in health care. It's also the most important challenge for businesses trying to compete in a today’s turbulent world. So, I’ve listed below some of the things we know about changing behavior:
Change is constant, normal and inevitable. However, growth is optional.
The only one who really enjoys change is a wet baby.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. History does repeat itself.
None of us can change our yesterdays, but all of us can change our tomorrows.
If you want to change the world, the place to begin is with yourself.
We can only change ourselves – no one else.
We can't change the cards we're dealt, just how we play the hand.
Yet, if you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar, but most people prefer to change a little bit at a time.
Paradoxically, big fast changes are often easier than small ones.
People don’t resist change as much as they resist changing.
Disgust and determination are two key contributors to change. It helps when people are uncomfortable with the status quo.
The two most commonly used strategies, coercion and rationality, are largely ineffective in changing behavior.
Bad news by itself doesn’t energize people to change.
The cumulative weight of specialization and experience make it difficult for people to change.
To be persuasive, the reasons for changing must be simple to understand, easy to identify with, emotionally resonant, and evocative of positive experiences.
It's always important to identify, achieve, and celebrate some quick, positive result for the vital emotional lift that it provides.
Quantifiable feedback is the key to radical and lasting behavior change.
It’s best to start small. It’s always easier to plant a large garden than it is to look after it.
Woody Allen had a comedy routine about the first landing of UFOs on Earth and our first contact with an advanced civilization. Allen wrote that most worries about planetary takeovers involve aliens that are light years away and centuries ahead of us in technology, bringing devices we can't understand or communicate with, which enables them to control everything. Not to worry, Allen said. If we can't understand or communicate with their systems, we'll just ignore them, doing our work the way we always do until they leave in frustration. Instead, he argued, the advanced civilization that we should really worry about is one that is just 15-minutes ahead. That way, they'd always be first in line for the movies, they'd never miss a meeting with the boss... and they'd always be first in every race.
Rosabeth Moss Kanter calls this the "15-minute competitive advantage" - changing in short fast bursts rather than waiting for the breakthrough that transforms everything. If every 15-minutes, you learn something and incorporate it into the next speedy step, you'll continue to be ahead. And a few time periods later, transformation will be underway.
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