Monday, January 11, 2010

Familiar laws of reality.

Post 404 - Someone reminded me of these invariant laws of the universe over the weekend and I'm sharing them with you this morning. I trust you'll find them familiar - I certainly did. Do you have any you'd like to add?

The Law of Mechanical Repair.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

The Law of Gravity.
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

The Law of Probability.
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to how stupidly you're acting.

The Law of Random Numbers.
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

The Law of the Alibi.
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you'll have a flat tire.

The Law of Variation.
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you're in now.

The Law of the Bath.
When your body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

The Law of Close Encounters.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you're with someone you don't want to be seen with.

The Law of the Result.
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

The Law of Biomechanics.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your ability to reach it.

The Law of the Theater.
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law.
As soon as you get a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee gets cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers.
If there are only two people in a locker room, they'll have adjacent lockers.

The Law of Physical Surfaces.
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance.
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy.
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they'll stop making it.

The Doctors' Law.
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, and by the time you get there, you'll feel better. If you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.

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