Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, a poem by Pam Ayres.

Post 473 - Pam Ayres MBE is a popular English poet, songwriter and presenter on radio and television. She was born in Oxfordshire in 1947 and when she was 19, she joined the Royal Air Force and was posted to Singapore. Upon her return in 1970, she got her her big break on the TV talent show Opportunity Knocks. She says the Bob Dylan and Lonnie Donegan records her brother played when she was growing up first inspired her to write poetry.

A keen gardener and beekeeper, Pam currently lives in the Cotswolds where she and her husband keep some rare breeds of cattle, as well as sheep, pigs, chickens, and guinea fowl. In England, she's known as "the doyenne of doggerel." However, at her best, she's observant, lightly mocking, gently thought-provoking and never heavy or difficult.

Asked to share something that no one knows about her earlier this year, she confessed: "I filled Janet Weavers fur-lined gloves up with plaster of Paris when I was about 13. I never owned up to it until now. She had to suffer cold hands for a considerable time afterwards."


Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, by Pam Ayres.


Yes, I'll marry you, my dear, and here's the reason why;

So I can push you out of bed when the baby starts to cry,

And if we hear a knocking and it's creepy and it's late,

I hand you the torch you see, and you investigate.


Yes I'll marry you, my dear, you may not apprehend it,

But when the tumble-drier goes it's you that has to mend it,

You have to face the neighbor should our labrador attack him,

And if a drunkard fondles me it's you that has to whack him.


Yes, I'll marry you, my dear, you're virile and you're lean,

My house is like a pigsty, you can help to keep it clean.

And that little sexy dinner which you served by candlelight,

As I just do chipolatas, you can cook it every night!


It's you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,

And when I've got the PMT it's you who gets the flak,

I do see great advantages, but none of them for you,

And so before you see the light, I do, I do, I do!