Post 520 - Why do we fall in love with one person and not with another? I’m told there are three basic ingredients for romantic attraction: intellectual, emotional and sexual, and all of these need to be strong enough if we’re to make a good connection that can evolve into a lasting relationship.
The main difference between a good and an ideal relationship is that the latter prepares us for life, and helps us to become a better person in the world. Sometimes we choose partners who make us feel good but only when we’re together. If this kind of wonderful intensity is the only thing present in the relationship, it usually doesn’t continue to make us feel more and more alive in the longer term. Eventually, the relationship turns in on itself rather than developing into a partnership which illuminates the world anew each day. What makes a relationship good isn’t necessarily what we feel towards each other, but what we create of each other.
Some couples feel really good together, but the relationship doesn't generate any individual personal development. If your partner doesn't help you or cause you to develop, chances are you won't grow very much on an emotional level. The choice of a partner should take this into account. While the desire for growth is intrinsic, the actual process of growing gets a boost by the interaction with another compatible being. The positive energy that flows from a close relationship with another allows people to grow more on their own, even when their partner isn’t present.
if you’re looking for a lifelong partner, you have to decide in advance what personal characteristics will be most important to you. Couples from the same social class, with similar education and religious and political orientations often have more in common in relationships and family life than those from a different value background. However, whenever I’ve dated someone who I felt was exactly like me, it hasn't worked out. Instead, I think it’s better to emphasize the value of friendship because, over time, friendship is more enduring than love.
"The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you ... the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass." - The Dad in the movie Juno.
Showing posts with label Life skills. Love.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life skills. Love.. Show all posts
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Learning how to love.
Post 427 - Thornton Wilder once wrote, "There is a land of the living and a land of the dead. The bridge is love."
When I started to study at UCLA in the early 1970s, I was fortunate to hear the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia speak about the power of love. He was invited to present to our MBA class even though he was a professor at USC at the time. Given my scientific and business background, I hadn’t given very much thought to subjects like this before. Indeed, graduate school was the first time I’d ever been helped to think about who I was, what I believed in, and what I really wanted out of life. I still remember the impact of Buscaglia’s ideas and his sincerity and energy in presenting them. Here are some of his quotes that stick with me still:
“Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.”
“One can’t give what he doesn’t possess. To give love you must possess love.”
“Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.”
“The opposite of love isn’t hate - it's apathy. It's not giving a damn.”
“Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lies man's only promise.”
“Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love, you ‘ll find that you’re left holding only yourself.”
“Love yourself for who you are, no matter who that may be. It's the funny and odd things about us that sometimes makes us the most loveable.”
“What love we've given, we'll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.”
Everyone should have someone in his or her life who says, "I’ll love you no matter what ... if you fall on your face, if you do the wrong thing, if you make mistakes, if you behave like a human being – I’ll love you no matter."
"Connectedness and kindness are all we leave behind at the end."
Originally published in 1972, Love: What Life Is All About, by Leo Buscaglia, is a wonderful book and one that I recommend to everyone who’s in a relationship, or has children. It’s short, funny, and easy to read. It’ll confront your beliefs and make you think. You may or may not agree with Dr, Buscaglia - but you’ll enjoy his presentation and it’ll help you clarify and develop your own ideas about love.
Buscaglia says, "If someone desired to know about automobiles, he would, without question, study diligently about automobiles. If his wife desired to be a gourmet cook, she'd certainly study the art of cooking, perhaps even attending a cooking class. Yet, it never seems as obvious to him that if he wants to live in love, he must spend at least as much time as the auto mechanic or the gourmet in studying love."
When I started to study at UCLA in the early 1970s, I was fortunate to hear the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia speak about the power of love. He was invited to present to our MBA class even though he was a professor at USC at the time. Given my scientific and business background, I hadn’t given very much thought to subjects like this before. Indeed, graduate school was the first time I’d ever been helped to think about who I was, what I believed in, and what I really wanted out of life. I still remember the impact of Buscaglia’s ideas and his sincerity and energy in presenting them. Here are some of his quotes that stick with me still:
“Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.”
“One can’t give what he doesn’t possess. To give love you must possess love.”
“Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.”
“The opposite of love isn’t hate - it's apathy. It's not giving a damn.”
“Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lies man's only promise.”
“Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love, you ‘ll find that you’re left holding only yourself.”
“Love yourself for who you are, no matter who that may be. It's the funny and odd things about us that sometimes makes us the most loveable.”
“What love we've given, we'll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.”
Everyone should have someone in his or her life who says, "I’ll love you no matter what ... if you fall on your face, if you do the wrong thing, if you make mistakes, if you behave like a human being – I’ll love you no matter."
"Connectedness and kindness are all we leave behind at the end."
Originally published in 1972, Love: What Life Is All About, by Leo Buscaglia, is a wonderful book and one that I recommend to everyone who’s in a relationship, or has children. It’s short, funny, and easy to read. It’ll confront your beliefs and make you think. You may or may not agree with Dr, Buscaglia - but you’ll enjoy his presentation and it’ll help you clarify and develop your own ideas about love.
Buscaglia says, "If someone desired to know about automobiles, he would, without question, study diligently about automobiles. If his wife desired to be a gourmet cook, she'd certainly study the art of cooking, perhaps even attending a cooking class. Yet, it never seems as obvious to him that if he wants to live in love, he must spend at least as much time as the auto mechanic or the gourmet in studying love."
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