Thursday, July 8, 2010

Tips on looking for a partner.

Post 520 - Why do we fall in love with one person and not with another? I’m told there are three basic ingredients for romantic attraction: intellectual, emotional and sexual, and all of these need to be strong enough if we’re to make a good connection that can evolve into a lasting relationship.

The main difference between a good and an ideal relationship is that the latter prepares us for life, and helps us to become a better person in the world. Sometimes we choose partners who make us feel good but only when we’re together. If this kind of wonderful intensity is the only thing present in the relationship, it usually doesn’t continue to make us feel more and more alive in the longer term. Eventually, the relationship turns in on itself rather than developing into a partnership which illuminates the world anew each day. What makes a relationship good isn’t necessarily what we feel towards each other, but what we create of each other.

Some couples feel really good together, but the relationship doesn't generate any individual personal development. If your partner doesn't help you or cause you to develop, chances are you won't grow very much on an emotional level. The choice of a partner should take this into account. While the desire for growth is intrinsic, the actual process of growing gets a boost by the interaction with another compatible being. The positive energy that flows from a close relationship with another allows people to grow more on their own, even when their partner isn’t present.

if you’re looking for a lifelong partner, you have to decide in advance what personal characteristics will be most important to you. Couples from the same social class, with similar education and religious and political orientations often have more in common in relationships and family life than those from a different value background. However, whenever I’ve dated someone who I felt was exactly like me, it hasn't worked out. Instead, I think it’s better to emphasize the value of friendship because, over time, friendship is more enduring than love.

"The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you ... the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass." - The Dad in the movie Juno.

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